Forget Me Not - Chapter One - Aidan

Forget Me Not - Chapter One

Aidan

The sound of gunshots and shouting filled the sprawling mansion. My feet continued their race, lungs aching for air, heart hammering in my chest. It was beginning to feel like my heart would erupt from my chest and fall still beating to the carpeted floor.

She was here somewhere, she had to be here. Paige had said she had seen her, spoken to her… She was alive, after all this time she was still alive. My brain could barely believe it but my heart, well that had decided a long time ago that Bella would be fine. She had to be. Because if she wasn’t then everything had been for nothing. Everything I’d done over the years would mean absolutely nothing.

Pushing open the double doors, a stretch of corridor lay in front of me. I knew from the layout plans of the house that Christopher’s office sat at the end. I could see the door ahead of me. Fear skittered up my spine. I wasn’t afraid of him. If I saw him and had my opportunity then I would shoot him dead. And I wouldn’t just stop there.

Since he had taken Bella, I consoled myself most nights with thoughts of what I would do to Christopher St James once I got my hands on him. Most thoughts revolved around intricate acts of torture, I didn’t want him to go easy. And then there was the other nights, when I dreamt of how I would save her. He was always there of course… And every time without fail I saved her. In my dreams I didn’t let him lay a finger on her, I always protected her… But what were dreams when the reality was so terrible. I’d failed her. I’d put my stupid job before her. I’d put something meaningless before the woman I loved and I’d lost her because of it.

My pace had slowed. I was desperate to find her, I’d practically torn the house apart looking for her… And now, here I was creeping forward, like a child afraid of what lay in the dark. A coward.

Pausing in front of the dark wooden door I let my hand rest on the handle. Would she still want me? How could she? I’d let her down, I’d let the monster take her, use her, I wasn’t a saviour, I was just as bad as him.

The air whooshed out of my lungs in one long breath as I pushed the door open and stepped into the room. Silence, eerie silence filled the room. If she was here then I had expected there to be some sign… A small noise… A breath… But there was nothing.

My eyes fell upon a shape in the corner and for a second my brain didn’t want to acknowledge what I was looking at. It didn’t seem to make sense, it couldn’t possibly be human?

But something in the back of my mind nagged at me. I’d worked some of Christopher’s cases, I knew what he was capable of. And this had his name written all over it. But I didn’t want to take another step. I didn’t want to walk any further into the room and for my eyes to suddenly make sense of what I was looking at.

Deep down I already knew the answer, but I didn’t have to believe it. I could ignore what my mind was trying to tell me. Couldn’t I?

It wasn’t her. It couldn’t be her. Bella’s hair was blonde. Whoever this was, her hair was dark, black… My Bella had blonde hair. It seemed like such a stupid thing to cling onto but I couldn’t help it. I had to hold onto something. This wasn’t her. I hadn’t let this happen to her.

Her feet and hands were restrained, pinned by the straps that lay across the wooden horse. Her back a criss cross of angry red welts and purple bruises. Blood had trickled down her face, from an open wound that ran from her hairline down the side of her temple. It had dried into a thick mass, clumping her hair and obscuring part of her face from my view.

Christopher was a monster, there was no question about that. How he could do this to another human being? It baffled me. Part of me had already decided that this wasn’t Bella. The part of me that favoured denial. She was obviously somewhere else.

I crouched down and brushed the hair away from the girls face. My stomach rebelled and I just had enough time to fall away from her before I vomited. I hadn’t cried since he had taken her. Until now, I sobbed as my stomach retched.

“Bella, sweetheart? Can you hear me?”

Scrambling on my knees I touched her softly, it was enough to make her whimper a sound that ripped through me, tearing my heart from my chest. My fingers shook as I unbuckled the straps that held her legs in place. The bruises that covered her body blurring together into one giant wound. I unstrapped her hands and she slid from the horse into my arms. Limp, lifeless. Tears slid from her eyes and it was the only thing I had. The only sign that she was still in there.

It broke my heart to see her like this. He had obviously tried to destroy her. She had risked herself for Paige.

“Stupid, stupid, stupid.” I murmured against her hair as I cradled her in my arms, my lips pressed to her forehead. “I was coming for you. If you had waited just a little longer. Bella, sweet, love, I was coming for you, why couldn’t you have waited?”

She gurgled and jerked in my grip, her entire body seemed to convulse and then there was nothing. Silence. I’d felt her breathing, held her body and felt a heart beat and now there was nothing.

“No, no, no, no, no. Not now, don’t you dare, not now! Not now I’ve found you. I found you, Bella, I’m here.”

My voice grew louder, more and more desperate as I pleaded with her to stay with me. I had found her, I was right here with her and she needed to stay with me. She had to let me save her. I laid her on the floor carefully and pressed my ear to her chest. There was still nothing, no sound, no breath. I wanted it to be like one of those stupid romantic films she used to love to watch. The moment where everything seems lost and then as if by magic, it’s all turned around and they get to live happily ever after.

Tilting her head back I sealed my lips around her mouth. The coppery taste of her blood filled my mouth as I pushed air into her lungs. I needed her to breathe, I needed to keep her alive, at least until someone came to help us…

Clamping my hands together I started chest compressions. But she was so small, so fragile, and I was such a brute, a monster, that the moment I started I heard the tell tale crack of bone as her ribs broke.

“Bella, sweet, breathe, come on for me, it’s Aidan… Please don’t leave me, not when I’ve found you… Not now I’ve finally found you…”

But this wasn’t the movies… She didn’t splutter suddenly and look up at me, love filling her eyes as she realised it was me. There was just nothing but the sound of my ragged breaths as I tried to bring her back. She was mine… I wasn’t going to let her die on me.

The sound of running footsteps in the hall had me hollering for help. My arms were beginning to tire but I couldn’t stop not now. Not when there was a chance.

“In here, we need help in here!”

I had a second to glance over my shoulder and watch as two paramedics came through the door. One of them immediately jumped on his radio, calling out commands and instructions as the other kneeled on the floor next to Bella.

“She just stopped breathing. I took her down from that… thing…” The words caught in my throat as I caught sight of the wooden horse again. “She seemed to convulse and then stopped breathing.”

“Right, sir, if you let us take over, assess the situation?”

“I think I broke her ribs.” I blurted the words out, if they were going to save her then they needed to know everything.

“Don’t worry about it, that’s perfectly normal.”

The medic who had given orders on the radio crouched down next to me and began pulling instruments from his case. I watched on as they started to work on, as they tried to bring her back from wherever it was that she had tried to go… 

The air seemed heavy, almost unbreathable as I watched them. I needed to tell her that I still loved her, that I couldn’t live without her. I didn’t have a life without her in it. Standing I glanced around the room and anger swelled within me. How long had she been here, strapped to that thing as her body slowly gave up? What sort of a monster was Christopher that he had beaten her practically to death?

More people crowded into the room and suddenly they were hoisting her onto a stretcher. I tried to get closer, to hold her hand, to just be with her but strong arms held me back. I fought against them, fought them with everything I was worth.

“Let me go! I have to be with her, she has to know that I found her. I want to be there when she wakes up!”

“Sir, calm down. They’re doing everything they can but you need to let them work…”

I broke free of his grip and followed them down the hall of the mansion.

“We’ve got a pulse.”

Such simple words… And yet it was enough to drive me to my knees. She hadn’t left me… I wasn’t alone. She had a pulse. I buried my face in my hands and I cried, I cried like a small child and I didn’t care who saw me. All I needed was the tiny glimmer of hope that one day I might be able to make it up to her… That one day she might forgive me… That she might still love me, even after everything. Hope. It was enough to bring a man to his knees.

Image of Us - Book 3 of the Bad Boy Rockers Do It Better Series

Matt is accused of putting Jacob Craigsdale in hospital and Kat doesn't know who she can trust. Although she loves Matt, she fears vigilante justice.

She tries to focus on helping Emma. But as she tries to solve her problems with Matt, Kat discovers that she is the unknowing victim of someone who will stop at nothing to destroy her.

She must face her demons to keep the man of her dreams and risk falling prey to the one who wants to make her disappear... permanently.

Amazon US

Amazon UK

B&N

An issue of violence

I've debated writing this post for a while now. Constantly changing my mind over it, should I write it? Should I post it? And I've decided to bite the bullet and just do it.

The reason I'm in two minds about this post is because it deals with the difficult topic of violence against women. And that's not what my blog is about. I know I can't always write about love and romance, it'd get boring pretty quickly, and life is not all fluffy kittens, rainbows and roses, as much as we might want it to be. But at the same time I'm not sure if it's my place to discuss this kind of thing.

Allow me to give you some background information as to why this topic bothers me so much. A long time ago I was stupid enough to be involved with someone who wasn't good for me. I don't want to go into the details, that's not what this is about, but that experience has helped shape my view on something so important.

Recently, I was shocked and more than a little upset by something I witnessed on television. I watch Big Brother here in the UK. (Yes, I admit it.) And normally it's daft and fun to watch. People seeking their fifteen minutes of fame, and the lengths they're willing to go in order to achieve it. Normally it's just a little bit of entertaining fluff. This year, not so much.

I am referring to a very specific incident that occurred. During a play fight gone bad, one of the male housemates wrapped his hand around the throat of a female housemate. He then proceeded to pin her to the bed, using threatening language, telling her to, "respect her elders", or he'd finish her, "respect your elders or I'll nut you."

It's very easy to find out who these two housemates are, it's even possible to view the incident, I think. I know I saw it that night on the edited and aired version of the show. I've left names out because for what I'm talking about it's not important. Now, I've sat on this for a while. I've spent a lot of time thinking about it. And it still bothers me now. What I witnessed that night was beyond upsetting. And what I've seen since has upset me further.

I don't condone violence towards women. Ever. Neither do I condone it towards men. It's something I find despicable. Violence is never the answer. But what I've found to be worse is the attitude of some of the public towards the situation. Claiming that if the female housemate hadn't been flirting with him, then it wouldn't have escalated to the point of violence. To me what happened wasn't a "threat" of violence as it has sometimes been described, he laid hands on her, to me, that is violence.

I know not everyone will agree with me. But I don't understand the mentality that has developed in today's society. Something like this happens and we spend our time blaming the woman, or looking for ways to make it her fault. Its happened during rape cases where they try to make the victim look guilty. The clothes she wore, how much she drank, or the fact that she flirted. None of those things should ever come into it. It's never an excuse. We shouldn't have the mentality that "insert action here, e.g. short skirt, flirting, etc" caused the man to insert repercussion here "attack, rape, etc".

Maybe I'm terribly naive. I don't know. All I'm saying and thinking in my head is where have we gone so wrong that we immediately blame the woman? When did it become acceptable to condone violence? I don't have the answers. All I can hope is that maybe people start to look at the way they react to these types of situations. That we realise it is never the victims fault, violence in all its forms is never, ever the answer.

I came across this video a little while ago and it reduced me to tears. I wanted to share it with you all, his words are touching and come from the heart. You couldn't ask for more than that.

Be safe.

Love,

Millie

My thoughts on Love and Romance and a blog hop!

Love and Romance.

Writing lots of romance has caused me to spend a lot of time thinking about love and romance. What it means to each of my characters. How it changes from book to book, and all the different reactions that can be had?

So it’s brought me to this point. I want to talk to you about what I feel love and romance is. What it means to me. I know it means something different to everyone. Some see love and romance as romantic dinners, gifts, sex. And yeah, they can be the icing on the cake.

But for me, love and romance is something a little different. It’s the acceptance by my partner of who I am. That he loves me, still wants to hold me even after I’ve ranted and raved about something pointless, for an hour.

Love and romance for me is knowing that he sees me as his equal in everything. That in everything he does, chooses, decides, that my feelings and personality are taken into consideration.

The knowing that he would rather hurt, than for something to hurt me. The knowing that if he could take my burdens in life and carry them himself that he would.

It’s the little things. He listens to the music that I like, even if sometimes it includes a sappy Taylor Swift song on repeat. He listens to me. Through the wacky, and the weird, to the down right bonkers ideas and schemes, he listens… And more importantly he hears me…

When I’m feeling insecure, unattractive, or stupid, he doesn’t dismiss my thoughts. He doesn’t tell me I’m being silly, or over the top. He shows me all the ways he loves me, shows me that I’m not stupid or any other negative I can think to throw at myself in that moment. He lets me see how special I am through his eyes.

For me love and romance is the moment he takes my hand. The moment his fingers close around mine and his eyes can’t seem to leave my face. It’s that split second before his lips meet mine, when his breath tickles across my cheeks and my eyes drift closed.

It’s when I wake up in the morning and he smiles at me, looks at me like I’m the most beautiful creature he has ever seen.

All these things spell love and romance for me and they tell me something very important too… They tell me I’m so lucky to have found a man that can give me all of these things and so much more. He is everything I ever wanted, and everything I never knew I wanted until I met him.

I think Sam from Sacrifice said it best with, “There is no life without love. No life without her.” And to that I say, “There is no life without love. No life without him.”

To the man of my dreams, thank you for being real.

So to help spread the love, I’m giving away two signed copies of my newest book Sacrifice. To enter, all you need to do is comment with an answer to my question and your email so I can contact you if you win. And it's international!

What does love and romance mean to you?

To whet your appetite, here is the blurb and cover for Sacrifice.

************ 99c for a limited time only! **************

"The moment Sam looked at me, I knew he saw me. The real me, not the one I pretended to be. He saw beyond my pretense to the girl beneath. The girl who cried herself to sleep at night. The girl who pushed people away, when all she really wanted was for someone to look her in the eye and tell her everything would be alright. That life wasn't always pain. That living wasn't always this difficult. That the ones you loved didn't always leave you behind. In that moment, Sam saw me, and I saw him. And I knew without a doubt that I would love him and he would betray me."

Natasha Masterton, a young college student on the verge of graduation, has the world at her feet. But all is not at it seems. Her mother is dead and she hasn't seen her father in over three years. The only dealing she has with him is when he deposits her allowance into a bank account every month. Her father's lack of interest has hardened Natasha to the rest of the world, leaving her cold and more than a little broken.

When Sam Harker crashes into Natasha's life, asking questions about her father and dragging up the past, Natasha's interest in piqued. The more time she spends with him, the more she falls for his easy charm and quick smile.

But Sam has secrets of his own - secrets that threaten their blossoming relationship. And when the real reason for Natasha's fathers disinterest becomes apparent, a sacrifice must be made. 

Love, honor and duty collide... risking more than just a broken heart. Sometimes love is worth the ultimate price.

Recommended for 17+ due to mature themes and scenes of an adult nature.

Amazon

When the hop ends I will randomly pick two winners from the commenters here. Not only that, but as this is the insatiable reads hop, you have the chance to win other fabulous prizes, by following the link to the other blogs participating.

For the blog hop the first place grand prize is a Kindle Fire. And second place is a $50 gift card! So get entering!

The blog hop is now closed and the winners have been chosen. Thanks to everyone who took part!

For my own giveaway of two signed paperbacks, the winners are: Cassandra dixiedukegurl2 AT yahoo DOT com

And: Cara Lumanesce lumanesce AT gmail DOT com

Congratulations! The emails have been sent.

Sacrifice - A New Adult Novel - And a Book Tour

Happy 4th of July!

Sacrifice finally made it out into the big bad world. It was touch and go for a while, but all good things come to those who wait :)

Sam and Natasha are just the sweetest thing and I really hope you'll love reading about them as much as I loved writing about them. There is no cliffhanger at the end but it does have the potential for another book in the series, but that depends on you. Would you like to see more of these characters? Perhaps find out how Rachel and Adam are getting along? Well I want you to tell me.

************ 99c for a limited time only! **************

"The moment Sam looked at me, I knew he saw me. The real me, not the one I pretended to be. He saw beyond my pretense to the girl beneath. The girl who cried herself to sleep at night. The girl who pushed people away, when all she really wanted was for someone to look her in the eye and tell her everything would be alright. That life wasn't always pain. That living wasn't always this difficult. That the ones you loved didn't always leave you behind. In that moment, Sam saw me, and I saw him. And I knew without a doubt that I would love him and he would betray me."

Natasha Masterton, a young college student on the verge of graduation, has the world at her feet. But all is not at it seems. Her mother is dead and she hasn't seen her father in over three years. The only dealing she has with him is when he deposits her allowance into a bank account every month. Her father's lack of interest has hardened Natasha to the rest of the world, leaving her cold and more than a little broken.

When Sam Harker crashes into Natasha's life, asking questions about her father and dragging up the past, Natasha's interest in piqued. The more time she spends with him, the more she falls for his easy charm and quick smile.

But Sam has secrets of his own - secrets that threaten their blossoming relationship. And when the real reason for Natasha's fathers disinterest becomes apparent, a sacrifice must be made. 

Love, honor and duty collide... risking more than just a broken heart. Sometimes love is worth the ultimate price.

Recommended for 17+ due to mature themes and scenes of an adult nature.

Amazon US
Amazon UK
Barnes and Noble

Not only that but Sacrifice is part of a huge tour. The Insatiable Reads Tour 24 authors have taken part and it's filled with amazing prizes and fabulous blogs. Whenever I have a guest post I'll let you all know here so you too have a chance to enter for some amazing prizes.

Also later in the month I will be hosting a giveaway of my own. I've said, if Sacrifice hits ten reviews on Amazon US by the 10th of July I will giveaway a $50 amazon gift card. If it hits 20 or more, I will double the prize and give a $100 dollar gift card plus I'll add two more prizes of two $50 giftcards for two other lucky winners. So get your reviews in and help make it easy for me to giveaway all these prizes!

Happy 4th of July everyone!

Millie

Chapter One Teaser - Sacrifice New Adult Romance

Chapter One

Natasha

Staring at the screen of the cash machine, I contemplated withdrawing all the money. My finger itched at the thought of just doing it and running. Would he even miss me if I disappeared? Would he notice or care? I couldn’t imagine that he would. Not after all this time. And even if he did, it would be just so he could drag me back here.

Closing my eyes for a minute, I let my finger hover over the withdraw button. I could do it. I could take it all and use it to get away. Maybe this time I really would be able to disappear. Maybe this time it would be different.

The man standing behind me in the queue coughed impatiently, his foot tapping against the brickwork sidewalk. Opening my eyes I typed in the number fifty and waited for the machine to spit the cash out at me.

Coward.

The little voice whispered inside my head. I tried to blot it out, now wasn’t the time to be reckless. I had to just graduate from this place and then I was free. I had job interviews lined up and once I had something decent then I could tell him to go to hell. No one understood my need to cut my father from my life. No one understood that having to use the money he sent me every month was like having my finger nails ripped out. It made me sound spoilt. Like a child throwing a temper tantrum. But it wasn’t like that at all…

Nobody knew what he had done. No one knew that he had forced me to rely on him. I’d never thought my father was a powerful man. He didn’t look like a man who had power and yet here I was… Apparently a few well placed phone calls made me un-hireable. An undesirable. I couldn’t even so much as get a job cleaning toilets. Nobody wanted me. The second they heard my name.

Of course I’d tried to work around that one too. I’d attempted to change my name, pretend I wasn’t Natasha Masterton. But he’d seen that one coming. Supplied all the local businesses with an up to date photograph of me. How’d he’d gotten an up to date photograph was beyond me, considering I hadn’t seen him in three years. Not since the day he’d dropped me off outside the college after I’d run for the first time.

I wanted to be angry, but I was more tired than angry. There was, after all, only so much time I could remain angry without it draining me completely. I couldn’t count on him for anything in my life except putting the money in my account every month like clockwork. It was the only reason I knew he was still alive.

It hit me then. What would happen if he was dead? Who would notify me? Would anyone even have a way of contacting me? After mom died, he had cut ties with everyone we knew. Pulled me out of school, away from my friends, away from a normal life. When he’d sent me to boarding school it had been the last straw. Talking to him wasn’t an option, he didn’t want to listen and it only ever ended in an argument…

A guilty pang settled in my gut. Here I was imagining what would happen if he simply ceased to be. Part of me still wanted to believe that he loved me, that he still looked at me as being his daughter. But if I was honest with myself I knew the truth. He didn’t love me, he blamed me for her death. I was here and she wasn’t and he couldn’t deal with it. I didn’t understand all of his motives and I didn’t understand the blame. But at least I had a reason.

“Natasha!” Rachel’s voice pulled me out of my morbid thought spiral. I dragged my gaze away from the fifty I held in my hand as I proceeded to stuff it into my wallet along with my card.

She jogged towards me, her dark hair swinging from side to side in the ponytail she had dragged it up into. It wasn’t something I could do. I wasn’t the type of person who could just roll out of bed and look effortlessly stunning. And Rachel was stunning. I wasn’t jealous of her, she was my best friend and Rachel seemed to have the strange knack for not knowing just how pretty she was. It didn’t seem to matter how many guys crushed on her, or flirted with her. It didn’t seem to matter how many girls tried to be mean to her. She was nice to everyone and I loved her for her need to only see the good in everyone around her. It was something I wished I could do.

“Where are you off to?” Her expression seemed to be one of genuine puzzlement.

“Home. I’m just wrecked…”

The look she gave me was one of complete sympathy. Under normal circumstances, and if it was coming from anyone other than her, I would have hated it. But I knew there was nothing malicious behind the soft look in her eyes.

She wrapped her arms around me, dragging me into a tight hug. “One of these days it’ll all become clear. I can’t believe that he doesn’t love you. If he didn’t then why keep sending you the money?”

“Because it’s a way of punishing me and he knows it…” My voice was half muffled by the fabric of her sweater. When she finally released me I could still taste some lingering fluff against my mouth. I brushed it away with the back of my hand and plastered a smile across my face.

“You don’t need to worry about me, I’m fine. Really.” I emphasised my last word in the hopes that she would simply let me off the hook. But the look of determination in her eyes let me know instantly that she had no intention of doing so.

“I know what would make you even more fine…” She tilted her head to one side, her ponytail of dark chocolate brown hair falling across her shoulder.

“No way! I know that look and I know what happened the last time I agreed to it… Never again.”

She pouted at me, her full bottom lip sticking out making me laugh. She looked ridiculous, and she knew it too.

“Please, I promise this time you’ll have fun…”

“You said that the last time and it wasn’t fun at all…”

“But your favourite band is playing this time. Please, for me?”

There had to be a reason why she was so desperate for me to go… And normally when she begged this fervently it had something to do with the male of the species…

“Who is he?”

“What?” The look of surprise on her face caused a small laugh to escape me. I couldn’t help it.

“Who is he?” I felt like enunciating each word but I didn’t. It would only make her angry and then it would be harder to get any real information out of her.

“How do you do that?” She asked as she linked her arm through me and began to tow me back towards the main coffee shop. I hesitated for a second, not wanting to go back in there. It was the place they liked to hang out. The popular kids… The ones that made me feel as though we were back in high-school again and I was the nerd. The outcast. The one who didn’t go home for holidays… The one who didn’t get post from family, or phone calls, or visits… The weird outsider.

Even though I was older now, nothing seemed to have really changed. They still looked at me the same way. Different people, different place, the same opinion.

“Natasha?” Rachel’s voice cut into my thoughts again pulling me back to the moment at hand. She was staring at me, the look in her eyes filled with concern.

“Sorry, I was miles away. What did you say?”

“I wanted to know how you did that? How you always seemed to know what I was really up to? Am I really that shallow?”

I grinned at her and grabbed her arm again dragging her in the door of the large coffee shop. The scent of chocolate, coffee and sticky pastries instantly invaded my nose, making my mouth water.

“You’re not shallow, I just happen to know you as well as you know me… And well in this instance it has to be a guy. Nothing else would give you such a twinkle in your eye.”

She grinned at me, immediately launching into a full description of the guy she had her heart set on.

“He’s just so dreamy… Big brown eyes that a girl could drown in and his hair is blonde but sort of spiky. He’s in the band that’s playing before ‘Backward Sliding Domino’.”

I shot her a look of disbelief as we stood in line and I eyed up the last piece of fudge brownie.

“And how do you expect to get anywhere near him?”

“He invited me. I met him earlier and he gave me two tickets. He was only going to give me one but I begged him to let you come to and… Voila.” She pulled the two cards from her purse and flashed them in front of me.

The telltale black and white domino was emblazoned across the front with the 8 ‘o’ clock start time written in red. I struggled not to snap them out of her hand. She wasn’t wrong when she said ‘Backward Sliding Domino’ were my favourite band. There was something about their music that drew me in. It was as though when I listened to them play they understood me. And I knew how cheesy that sounded but it was true. Every single one of their songs could have been written about my life.

The guy in the line ahead of us pointed to the fudge brownie and the girl serving him quickly whipped it out from behind the counter. Disappointed, I let out a sigh. Rachel clearly thought it was something she had done because she immediately jumped on it.

“I thought you’d be excited. You love them.”

“Yeah, I am excited, you know how I feel about them.”

She nodded thoughtfully as she chewed the inside of her lip and we reached the top of the line. The bored expression on the face of the girl serving us made me smile. I watched carefully as she shot furtive glances over my shoulder to someone behind us. The curiosity was too much and I turned.

The guy who had stolen my brownie was sitting at a table in the far corner. The cake sat on a small plate in front of him completely untouched. But it wasn’t the brownie that she was staring at, and it certainly wasn’t the brownie that kept me staring at him. He was cute, although cute was probably the wrong word to use to describe him. He was hot. His hair was dark and messy, as though he spent way too much time running his fingers through it. His shoulders were broad and I could make out the ripple of muscle beneath his t-shirt as he reached out and grabbed his cup of coffee and took a sip from it.

He chose that exact moment to glance up and his eyes caught mine. There was something odd about them, something I couldn’t exactly put my finger on at this distance. I wanted to get a closer look, to just walk across the coffee shop and stare into his eyes. Something pulled me to him.

Rachel nudged me in the ribs and I spun around to face her, my face flushing an unbecoming shade of red.

“Who is he?” She asked in a loud mock whisper.

I pulled a face at her and glanced back over my shoulder as I handed my money over the counter to the girl. The guy was still sitting in the corner, a small smirk playing around his lips.

Shit. I muttered to myself. I really needed to work on my making a complete ass out of myself. It was a problem I had and one that needed to be fixed.

“I have no idea. Why?” I answered Rachel, my voice not betraying the butterflies I had in my tummy.

“Because you’re staring at him like he’s someone special.” She grinned as she handed over her own money.

I struggled to think up something to say, anything that would get me off the hook. She was right in a way, I had been staring at him like he was someone special. I wasn’t sure why, but something inside told me he was. That maybe just maybe he was meant to be more than just a stranger in a coffee shop.

I laughed then, the sound erupting from me abruptly making Rachel jump and the girl serving us stared at me as though I had just lost my mind. I grabbed my iced drink and practically ran to a small table at the opposite side of the room from him. Was I losing my mind? Maybe after everything that had happened in my past it was finally all catching up to me. Would I be one of those tragic cases? I could see the headlines now on the college paper, “After Family Trauma Girl Finally Cracks - Loses it in local coffee shop.”

Rachel sat down across from me and shot me another look of concern as she sipped on her coffee. I didn’t say anything as she set the cup down slowly. I knew what was coming. It would be some sort of lecture. Probably something about how I needed to stop taking everything in life so seriously. That I needed to chill and just be young… Whatever that really meant.

“What was that all about?” Her voice was low, calm as though she was speaking to a small child that might, at any moment throw a tantrum.

“He took the last brownie and…” I paused realising how ridiculous it sounded. “I thought he was cute and then I thought of something else and it made me laugh… That’s all.” I shrugged, as though by pretending to be utterly nonchalant I could convince her.

“You really thought he was cute?” She sounded almost surprised and I tried not to laugh at her reaction.

Was I really that bad, that even my best friend had to question my interest in cute guys? Maybe I was. I certainly wasn’t that girl that showed that much interest in the opposite sex. It wasn’t that I didn’t find guys attractive, because I did. It was just easier to pretend not to see them. I’d gotten so good at the pretence that I wasn’t sure anymore if it was really a pretence.

“Yes, I really thought he was cute. Didn’t you?”

“Well yeah, but…” She hesitated, her eyes dropping to the cup in front of her. “You’ve never really shown an interest in anyone, not since, Daniel.”

I swallowed hard, the lump that had instantly formed in my throat tried to cut off my air supply. I wouldn’t allow even the mention of his name to put me back in that place again. I couldn’t. He wasn’t worth it. He didn’t deserve my tears… Or at least that was what I told myself.

“Well I guess I’m just over it now. I don’t think of him and that guy was cute…”

She nodded and smiled at me, as though instantly recognising that I needed to change the subject. Rachel was one the person who saw through me. She knew everything about me and she knew when I was lying. But at least she had the good grace not to pull me up on it.

She glanced over her shoulder to the guy in the corner, her gaze taking in very inch of him. When she looked back at me the twinkle was back in her eye.

“You should go talk to him.” She half whispered at me.

“No, I shouldn’t. It’d be a bad idea.”

A grin spread across her face, a look that made me nervous. As though at any moment she might spring up from her chair and march over there to him, force me to talk to him. I shook my head in the hopes that the combination of the expression on my face and the gesture would be enough to stop her.

“But why?”

“Because he’s leaving.” I watched him stand and drop a couple of bills on the table. He scooped up the notepad he had with him before making his way to the door. Part of me hoped he would look back at me. Maybe he would. But that was something that happened only in the romance novels I liked to read. It didn’t work that way in real life. Daniel had taught me that…

He pushed the door open and disappeared out into the afternoon sunshine without so much as a backwards glance. A bubble of disappointment popped inside me and my shoulders slumped. It was stupid. I knew it was stupid, but I couldn’t help it. Perhaps I was regaining my optimism. And if that was the case then it sucked. Feelings and emotions like that only lead to more disappointment.

It was amazing how easy it became for people to let you down if you allowed yourself to hope. Hope was a luxury reserved only for those who had stability in their lives… I’d had plenty of it once and now that it was gone I missed it.

“Awh…” Rachel’s shoulders slumped and she slurped her coffee loudly from the white mug she cradled in her hands. “Maybe you’ll see him again? Maybe he goes here…”

I smiled at her sadly and shook my head, dropping my gaze to the table we sat around. Someone had spilled sugar across the surface and I had the overwhelming urge to draw patterns in it. But I didn’t. That was something my mother used to do. I wasn’t her. I would never be like her… Could never be like her…

“Well how do you know? He might be at the gig tonight?” She brightened visibly as she mentioned the gig. And even I had to admit that when I thought about going to see my favourite band play a quiver of excitement raced through me…

I swallowed down the last of my drink and stood. There was no point in hanging around the campus, not when I had to get ready. Rachel stood with me and we made our way to the door. I could practically feel the excitement rolling off her and it made me smile.

“I’ll meet you outside the club at eight?” She gripped my arm tightly and turned me to face her as she spoke. “Promise me you’ll come? That you will be there?”

I grinned at her and gestured to her pocket where I knew she had shoved the tickets. “You know I have a weakness where my band is concerned. There is no way I could resist… And who knows, maybe I’ll actually get to meet the band?”

Rachel squealed as she spun away from me and started to jog in the opposite direction. All I could do was shake my head and smile. She had a way of making life better. Of making tough times so much easier and for that I was eternally grateful to have her in my life.

Turning I began to walk back towards my own apartment. Only one thought occupied my mind, who the hell had that guy been? And would I ever see him again?

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Sam Harker my new book boyfriend... Ssssh, Don't tell my husband!

When I read Twilight, Edward became my first book boyfriend... I know a lot of people dislike him as a character but to that I say, 'whatever'. I wanted a piece of that. I wanted someone who would love me that intensely, someone who would be utterly passionate about me.

Now granted I got lucky and I have that in my hubs. But it's still nice to have a fictional love. And right now that love for me is Sam Harker. I know, I know, he's my own character but he really does have a special place in my heart. More than any of the other male characters I have ever written.

As the writer I have certain insights. I know why he is doing the things he does. I know who he is really. And he tugs at my heart strings. He wants to do the right thing, he's trapped because of his circumstances and his own loyalty. But of course he didn't count on falling love with Natasha. And she is lovely. But it's created this great big problem in Sam's life. Loving Natasha has the potential to cost him everything he ever held dear. His family means everything to him and Natasha endangers all of that... But what can he do?

For me, Sam has become the type of character that haunts my dreams.

And here's just a short snippet of Sacrifice and of course Sam.

He propped himself up against the wall and watched as she left the coffee shop. Her honey coloured hair drifted around her face and part of him wondered if it was naturally that colour or had she found it in a bottle? Most of the girls he knew were fake. Fake hair, fake boobs, fake smile… But with her, from what he’d seen of her there didn’t seem to be anything fake about her.

The look on her face as she’d watched him… He’d seen that look before, but on her it was different. Some deep sadness seemed to lurk just beneath the surface of her eyes. She was an uncertainty. It wasn’t something he had ever dealt with before. Normally he was sure of what was happening. But with her, he had this sinking feeling in his gut that with her he would be thrown off balance.

It’s a challenge… That’s all, nothing more than a challenge. And maybe you won’t need to do it… Maybe it’ll all work out.

He raked his hand back through his dark hair and shut his eyes for a moment. An image flashed before him and he felt sick. It was an effort not to turn where he stood and lose the cup of coffee he had just drank all over the sidewalk.

Get a grip! The little voice in his head spoke sternly and he knew it was right. He had to get a grip. There was nothing he could do. He was here for a reason, and one reason only. Maybe things would work out and he would leave here with no issues… Maybe…

He pushed away from the wall and continued to watch her progress across the campus. He couldn’t shake the look in her eyes. The way she had stared at him. Something stirred inside him, something he had sworn was dead, buried. He couldn’t afford to allow feelings to get in his way. If it had been any of the other guys they would have already made contact. They would be sure it was her…

But he didn’t need to ask her to know, and it wasn’t just because of the crappy description he had sketched into his notepad either. He knew the second he saw her who she was. Natasha Masterton. But it was better to follow protocol. Better to be sure. 

He shook his head as she disappeared out of sight. What the hell was wrong with him? Here he was beginning to sound like one of them. It wasn’t what he wanted. It wasn’t what he had planned. But what else was he supposed to do? They had promised they’d help her, give her everything she needed if he just did this one thing…

He wasn’t a religious man, but in this instance he couldn’t help but think that he had sold his soul to the devil. Before he had seen Natasha it had seemed easy. It was just something he needed to do in order to get what he wanted… But now…

Shit. He punched the brick wall, the skin splitting with the force of the impact. The blood welled up across his knuckles mixing with the dust from the wall. It was a good kind of pain, a comforting one. One he needed. Maybe if he rang them, told them he couldn’t do this, told them it wasn’t right… Maybe they’d relent?

He laughed as he started across the campus, pushing his hand into his pocket, hiding the injury from prying eyes. The last thing he wanted to do was draw attention to himself. He’d done enough of that already.

His mind skipped back to the moment in the coffee shop. The moment they had shared. And her laugh. He grinned as he thought of it. The way the others had looked at her as though she had completely lost her mind. But he understood that. It was one thing in this giant mess that he could understand. Laughing at the most inappropriate of times was something he was known to do. His older brother had made the vast majority of his teenage years miserable because of that one little habit that he couldn’t seem to shake.

The moment he thought of his brother he shut his mind down. It wasn’t a place he wanted to go. It wasn’t something he was willing to think about, not now, not ever if he had his own way.

***

Sacrifice Coming June 28th.

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